i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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