she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
