I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
