Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it was like eating out sand paper
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
