She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
