She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
