Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
