i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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