I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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