so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We are all done wearing pants today
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
