But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
