Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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