Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
