whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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