Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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