he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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