no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
