I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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