A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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