I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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