We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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