if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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