i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.