to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
