just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
