Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
