I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
