You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
