It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
