there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
