For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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