He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
