Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The air taste purple.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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