You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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