Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
