Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
