My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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