hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
