I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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