Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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