I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
