This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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