What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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