Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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