I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
