So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Everyone says I win the strip club
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
