Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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