The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
