I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Drunk is a universal language darling
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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