it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
