Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
