3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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