The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
