This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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