Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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