i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
