Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so explain again why im purple
no
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
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My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
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he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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