I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
