he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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