It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
