All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
