What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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