A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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