All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
did i just pee glitter
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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