you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
