im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
