We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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