I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
