spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
