I swear she didn't look like that last week.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
